Category Archives: Lionel Audio - Page 2

LIONEL PODCAST: Pray To Bob, You’re Crazy; Pray to God, You’re Elected. Go Figure.

One of the most fascinating aspects of life. If I talk to Bob, pray to Bob, tithe to Bob, worship Bob, seek Bob’s forgiveness, tell others about Bob . . . I’m nuts, right? Wait, did I say Bob? I’m sorry, I meant God.

Now that changes everything. Why? I haven’t the slightest idea. What’s the difference?

Now, despite my frustration with those who fail to recognize the irreligious, I have a hard time with those who ceaselessly attack religion like Bill Maher, that unreasonably angry prompter-reading prototypical playbook leftie who rails against people of faith.

I’ve a lot that I discuss in this podcast. A lot indeed.

And now, let me impart upon you the wisdom of the ages, viz. The Black Socks Phenomenon.

LIONEL PODCAST: The Sockpuppet Ted Baxter MSM Sheeple Must Never Know the Extent of the Excruciating Truth.

A syllabus of sorts, Sheeple. Listen up (or is it read up?) and pay particular note. Let me adumbrate the brutal reality of what’s contained herein.

  • A Lynn Samuels eulogium. She died Christmas Eve. She was a talk radio titan because she did and said what she pleased. She listened to no one and had the guts, temerity, intrepidity and elephantine balls to be different from the usual cookie cutter, echo chamber mindless robots that inhabit the medium. John Mainelli, WABC PD par excellence, empowered her. And she pissed people off and royally. Her voice made Edith Bunker sound like Margaret Thatcher. But it didn’t matter. She was unique, cool, sui generis, nonpareil and a royal pain in the ass. Her kind is absent from an atrophied talk radio spectrum. Just listen to the bilge that passes for talk today. It’s horrific. But that’s emblematic of our country in many respects: few choices and lousy ones at that.
  • Why talk radio sucks. This is simple. Because it just does. Through radio consolidation, deregulation, hedge fund programers, name your poison, it’s absolutely beyond Gawd awful. For Chrissakes, how much Rush and Hannity can the nation take on a daily basis? Do you mean to tell me that this is what talk radio’s devolved into? Two identical guys saying the identical same thing simultaneously with Hannity following along in his rote recitation of Rushspeak. And Hannity, bless his heart, is truly a helluva nice guy and the luckiest guy ever. Ever! To follow O’Reilly and Rush?! Think about it. Wow. These guys have the political sophistication of Romper Room. They’re arguing 80’s era Reagan fetish politics. Do they know the cold war’s over? Do they understand the threat of globalism? They’re anachronistic vestiges of a moribund talk world.
  • WABC in the glory days. Whether you ever heard it or not, it doesn’t matter. Everybody in radio today who hopes to exploit whatever’s left of it should take heed. It’s a new world and new frontier. And the dashboard titans better get their heads out of their arses and pay attention. Alternative media, podcasting and the like will eat your lunch. But the only way you can get away from this and escape it is to get real good and quick at what you’ve already got.
  • Scents sense. Weird churches and smells and olfactory power. Look, bear with me, Sparky. There’s an intellectual exercise to be had here. So trust me and listen.
  • My conversational style. Like you’re in the hospital and I’m visiting you. This isn’t broadcasting. Herein, let me explain my direction and tone. Once people get it, it’ll be stolen on a heartbeat, so listen here first.
  • Phrontistery and your logophobia. I will not apologize to monosyllabic simpletons who eschew “fancy words.” I simply will not. Words are the colors of our language palette and if you want to glorify the mush-mouthed hick-centric world that the mobs adore, you go right ahead. I’ll be here. Laughing, er, cachinnating.
  • Ron Paul gets slimed again. And the pathetic professional left and right, those simple-minded bastards will do everything and anything to keep Dr. Paul from changing the course of my beloved country, stand by like barking seals with nary a clue. They actually believe that their skewed vision of the world makes sense. Amazing. They’ll drill into sheeple the idea that he’s nuts, too old or crazy. And nothing infuriates me more next to a ferocious case of the clap. That being said, the worldview of Ron Paul could save this country. But he won’t be allowed to get anywhere near the White House. Because he would destroy the structure that will destroy us. So laugh all you want.

Finally, I’d like to leave you with something. Do with it what you please. A paean to Dr. Paul. Spread the word.

LIONEL PODCAST: I’ll Slit Your Throat For A Pair of Sneakers.

I’ll slit your throat for a pair of Air Jordans. Your safety means nothing to me. Your life even less. I’m a part of the new frontier America. A bloodthirsty amalgam of the most treacherous folks you’ve ever met. I’ve been habituated to abuse and a disregard for human life. My world is filled with the marginalizing of human worth: abortions, war, capital punishment, (theoretical) cloning, collateral damage, name it.

And keep in mind that I’ll do this to you when I’m happy. When I’ve got money. Imagine the savagery during a food shortage or bank run. Remember Katrina? Remember the horrors? And the folks in charge actually like this. To constantly remind you that we teeter on disorder and chaos. That you need them for order and control and maintenance. You mean nothing to me because I mean nothing to my government. I’m tasered, felt up, gate raped and groped at airports. I’m pepper sprayed, hogtied and batoned for any reason any cop feels appropriate on any given day. I mean nothing to them; you mean nothing to me.

And as the right and left savage Dr. Paul, let me explain why we need his ideas and his plan. Are you sitting down? The only way that my country can break away from the death grip of gloablism is through someone who espouses just half of what Ron Paul advocates. Why settle for half when you can get the real thing?

Again, are you sitting down?

LIONEL PODCAST: I Wish You Freedom & Unrelenting Liberty

On behalf of Mrs. Lionel and me, we wish you and yours excessive and unrelenting liberty and freedom. Freedom to do what you want, whenever you want for as long as you want provided it doesn’t involve small children or scare the horses.

And thank you for subscription to these podcasts and parting with your hard earned money. It is appreciated.

Please let me invade your ears and corrode your mind with the truth contained in this here podcast. And for years to come.

Piece,

LIONEL
Logodaedalus & Expert

LIONEL PODCAST: You Are Awash In Lies, Distortion, Obfuscation & Illusion. You Wallow In Media Deception. Feel Better?

“When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” – The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

“The more obvious the truth the more absurd it sounds.” – Me

Think for yourself. I know that’s tough. Especially when it comes to anything political. Or anent news for that matter. You’re spoon-fed pap, pabulum and media-filtered bunkum. And Exhibit A: Ron Paul.

The media are determined (per orders) to vilify and destroy the candidacy of Ron Paul. And as far as I’m concerned, it only makes my conviction and support stronger.

But it’s not just Paul that fascinates me, The way we look at social problems, mental illness, substance abuse, the war on terror (Ha!), UFO’s, crop circles, 9/11 truthers — all that we see and perceive is dependent upon the prism through which we evaluate the world. So to complicate matters, aside from the usual problems attendant to and with media obfuscation, we also have our own idiosyncrasies and biases that filter, limit and selectively eliminate true and actual perception.

I call it micro versus macropschology. The individual versus the system, the society, the world.

Enjoy.

LIONEL PODCAST: You Are An Idiot. Don’t Feel Bad; So Am I. We’re Human, It’s Who We Are.

It is a fundamental right to be an idiot. To act like a fool. Especially when it comes to voting. Let’s face it, Sparky, why you vote and for whom speak volumes of your psychic mosaic.

You are an absolute mess and I trust that you’ve committed yourself to understanding why you’re who you are. You are protean and transmogrify in life cycles. You don’t ever settle down. You never stop changing. Most probably you’ve five or six absolutely distinct periods of change and development that have determined why and how you are who you are.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.

John Milton, Paradise Lost

I so wish for you continued and uninterrupted freedom and liberty. May you grovel in self-actualization.

And to remind you of how insane our world has become, I offer this to you.

LIONEL PODCAST: Kim Jong-il Never Defecated. Dead At 69. I Think I Know Why.

As despotic, tyrannical genocidal madmen go Kim Jong-il was in a class by himself. First, no despot would be worth his salt without multivariate forms of spelling his name. Can you say Gaddafi? KJO fails miserably here. Maybe the lower case “i” counts. But what he lacks in multiple spellings he makes up in pure, unequivocal panache.

In the Herald Sun this piece on Kim is without peer in listing his seemingly endless list of idiosyncrasies and indicia of psychosis. He will be missed. Not.

FORMER North Korean leader Kim Jong-il was the world’s best golfer, sparked a fashion phenomenon and didn’t defecate – that is, if you believe everything you read.

A study by Dr. Jerold Post, a former CIA psychologist, revealed the former dictator loved a Hennessey cognac that retails for $630 a bottle in Korea – $270 less than the average Korean annual income, $900.

“He is the largest customer over the last 10 years, averaging between $650,000 and $720,000 a year.”

Here are some of the most interesting reports about the pint-size former dictator.

He had a supernatural birth

Kim Jong-il was born in Siberia in 1941 while his parents were during the Japanese occupation of Korea, according to Soviet documents.

But according to official North Korean literature, he was born in a log cabin at his father’s secret base on North Korea’s sacred Mt Paektu in 1942.

The same reports claim his birth were heralded by a swallow and caused winter to change to spring, a star to illuminate the sky and rainbows to spontaneously appear.
He was the best golfer the world has ever seen

In 1994, Pyongyang media reported that Kim Jong-il shot an amazing 11 holes-in-one to achieve an unprecedented 38-under-par game on a regulation 18-hole golf course – on his first try at golf.
Reports say each of his 17 bodyguards verified the record-breaking feat.

He loved film so much he kidnapped two filmmakers

A filmmaking author with a collection of over 20,000 movies, Jong-il’s passion for the art led him to kidnap South Korean director Shin Sang-ok and his actress wife Choi Eun-hee to make Pulgasari, basically a socialist version of Godzilla.

The couple made an escape while in Austria on a trip to finalise plans for Pulgasari’s sequel by fleeing to the American embassy.

He was a fashion icon

Pyongyang announced the leader had become a worldwide fashion icon after Rodong Sinmun, a communist party newspaper in North Korea, reported Kim Jong-il’s suits had become a global fashion phenomenon.

An “unidentified French fashion expert” agreed: “Kim Jong-il mode, which is now spreading expeditiously worldwide, is something unprecedented in the world’s history.”

He didn’t defecate

According to the official biography on the North Korean state web site, Kim Jong-il didn’t defecate. The biography has since been taken down.

He lured short people with a wonder drug that promised to make them tall, then kidnapped them

Kim Hyun-sik, a former tutor to Jong-il, said the government handed out pamphlets to thousands of people selling a wonder drug that would make them taller (by becky). When they responded to the ad, they were sent away to “uninhabited islands in an attempt to end their ‘substandard’ genes from repeating in a new generation,” Hyun-sik said.

He only ate rice of uniform in length and colour

A nephew of Jong-il’s first wife, Lee Young Nam, wrote that the obsessive leader insisted his rice be cooked using trees cut from Mt. Paektu (the mountain where he was born), and that he had female staff inspected each grain of rice to make sure it met his strict standards.

He was the world’s biggest Hennessey drinker

A study by Dr. Jerold Post, a former CIA psychologist, revealed the former dictator loved a Hennessey cognac that retails for $630 a bottle in Korea – $270 less than the average Korean annual income, $900.

“He is the largest customer over the last 10 years, averaging between $650,000 and $720,000 a year.”

And now, I present the Globalist POTUS Oath of Office. Enjoy.

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LIONEL PODCAST: The United States of Stupid

This week I aired a commentary that dripped of satire. I mean dripping globs of mucilaginous stalagmite satire. Only the most cretinous of Boeotians could have possibly missed the point that I, a lawyer and indefatigable defender of the Constitution and its Bill of Rights, could not possibly have literally meant what I said. Especially the way it was presented.

I’ve included three actual emails, unedited and uncorrected for grammar and punctuation and anything resembling grammar.

This first sample is from a lawyer. A lawyer!

Lionel you can’t be serious about rolling back the country’s Bill Of Rights. Adherence thereto is precisely what separates us from banana republics and Islamofascists, not necessarily in that order. Embrace the rights so billed. They protect you, too – for better or worse, some of your viewers might opine.

And this beaut.

Hi Lionel:
I usually always agree with you, but being socially liberal does not mean you kiss everyone’s behind and give them a pass to engage in any types of activities that they want without repercussions. There are already laws protecting law-abiding citizens from shady individuals who are U.S. citizens once they break the law. Most would agree that following a group of African-american males from high school because you “think they may be up to something” sounds racist, absurd, and very outdated as a law enforcement practice. But you seemed to justify internment camps of WWII because we were under attack and certain sacrifices have to be made. The issue with the new legislation as well as the Japanese internments camps (besides the obvious) is that laws in this country are meant to both protect the law-abiding citizens of the nation from non law-abiding citizens…as well as the men who run this country! FDR (as were many politicians of his day) was a known racist against the Japanese, and racism, rather than reason, drove the detention of Japanese individuals living in Hawaii and then Japanese-Americans living on the West Coast. We were supposed to learn from our mistakes and grow…. why have we only regressed in a post-9/11 world? It’s not about protecting EVERYONE’s rights…. just the ones who abide by the law and want to speak out against the morons that run this country (like myself) on a regular basis without worrying about being federally prosecuted. The freedom of being able to run our mouths freely makes up the concrete that holds up the foundation of America.

But wait, there’s more.

Dear Lionel,

I enjoyed your speech about dismantling the Bill of Rights on TV last night. The thrust of your argument is that civil rights impede the administration of government and justice. I couldn’t agree more. They also promote creativity, innovation, and national pride but those are really just side-effects if you think about it.

So you want to have a prosecutor (why don’t we just call him a king) govern society and sit in judgement of you? Let me ask, what if he doesn’t like you? Then what? What if you are sentenced to death for offending him? The king is just a person like everyone else. He will have likes and dislikes (in legal jargon we call that “bias”). The king could take one look at you and think “I don’t like him” and say “off with his head.” Is that the type of society you want? The dark ages? Or maybe you prefer the modern version of the dark ages: Saudi Arabia?

You pose the philosophical quandary of whether we should prefer to let 100 criminals go free in order to avoid wrongfully imprisoning the innocent or imprison 100 suspects because we’re pretty sure that the guilty person is among them. In the latter case we might also say that the rest of the suspects probably had it coming anyway (no one is innocent really). Of course we can’t afford to imprison all those people (it’s too expensive) so I suppose we will have to execute some of them. Perhaps we can find a middle ground like cutting off their hands and letting them go. That way they will never steal again but we don’t have to house and feed them either. It’s a win-win! I think you’d love it in Saudi Arabia. Why don’t you live there I wonder?

Every now and then we hear about how someone got away with murder (like OJ) and everyone gets all upset. Some people try to throw the baby out with the bathwater. They say that those stupid civil rights got in the way of the administration of justice. In reality the OJ’s are extremely rare occurrences. If a suspect is in court, chances are they are going to suffer a penalty. You might not know this but the most difficult part of prosecuting a criminal is actually finding the right person. Once you have the suspect in custody, once those pesky civil rights kick in, you are probably going to get a plea and that person is probably going to jail if it’s a serious crime. Finding the right person is difficult because there are a lot of people in society. With or without civil rights, that is never going to change. In your society, however, whenever someone who vaguely resembles you, or has a similar name to yours, does something wrong then you will be thrown in jail (possibly beheaded) and I guess you just like it that way? I really encourage you to check out Saudi Arabia because they are way ahead of the US in terms of not having civil rights. It may take some time to dismantle the Bill of Rights here but if you really want to live in a place where you have no civil rights you can go there now and be happy. What are you waiting for?

People who make your argument always imply that they could do it better. They are immeasurably arrogant. They think “if only I were king of the universe, I would do everything so much better.” Ha! You think you have all the answers to all of our problems? You think that you would govern better than our clunky, inefficient, civil-rights-burdened, demochaotic, checks and balances? You think you are smarter than Lincoln, Jefferson, Franklin, Madison, Washington, and a whole bunch of genius philosophers who preceded them combined! What a guy! You must be 105% smarter than Einstein!

These people drive. They vote. They use sharp objects and utensils. They may even have children to whom their genes for idiocy must have been passed.

Below, the commentary that so many found offensive as they thought I was serious. Or, worse, agreed with it as they thought I was serious.

And today I appeared on the PIX 11 Morning News with my colleague Frances Rivera. I try to be limpid and pellucid in my anger.

LIONEL PODCAST: They’re Here. Please, Extraterrestrials, Save My Planet From Globalist Banksters. Hie!

They’re here. And it’s about time. Read.

To whom it may concern:

Please, help us. My planet’s being run by psychopaths bent on control and our destruction and the cancer of globalism is now at the microscopic, cellular level. My country’s being run by one bankster selected Manchurian candidate after another. My countrymen are nescient, illiterate, incurious and incapable of caring. Maybe there’s something in the water. Maybe it’s the chemtrails’ barium and aluminum all these folks keep screaming about. Or something in the water. Whatever the cause, we’re a country of geldings. Clueless and carefree. Scared and cowed. Moored to nonchalance by ennui and a double dose of incuriosity.

I look to every explanation that people laugh at because without fail when I move towards that which society prefers, I find it’s a dead end. When they scoff and refute, then I know I’m on to something. You only take flak when you’re over the target. I believe nothing the government says until it’s officially denied. If you’re not upset, you’re not paying attention. And my world, not just country, my world is headed for doom. Ron Paul suggests looking to the Constitution and he’s called crazy. Crazy, huh? But pray to an imaginary sky God and that’s fine.

So, whoever you are, wherever you are, get here quick. Again. Stay this time. Let’s chat. My species needs you. Hie!

And one more thing, this season. Give the gift of Lionel. A one month subscription for the cost of a latte. Come on, Sparky. Do the right thing.

Respectfully submitted,

Lionel

LIONEL PODCAST: Obama, Romney or Newt. No Difference. Ron Paul Is The Answer.

All right, let’s stop pretending, shall we? The insane trope that there exist appreciable differences between the GOP candidates — pick one, anyone, save Dr. Paul, of course — has run its course. As has been said innumerably, and certainly by me, the left-right paradigm is but an illusion. That simple. It’s not real. It’s fictive, ersatz, fugazy, name it. It ain’t real.

If there is any chance for this republic, it’s a Ron Paul presidency. I’ll save the usual proviso “He’s not perfect.” Who in their right mind would ever even consider using that as a statement of belief?

In addition, the following subjects are covered.

  • The insanity of the barking seal public clapping over new cellphone restrictions in cars.
  • The acclimation of control.
  • No one’s leaving Iraq, so get that through your thick skull.
  • Derek Jeter just may be the most boring man on the planet.
  • Criminal defense lawyers: a godsend.
  • Watch Bloomberg push for more gun control.
  • “Supporting the troops” inadvertently is the worst thing you can do.
  • The hero fetish.
  • Incuriosity as a national epidemic.
  • Customer service pledges and surveys. It’s a work!

Enjoy. Wallow in thought.